How do you know when you've crossed the line from good intentions to brink-of-backfiring? Every situation is different, but the following clues can give you some idea:

• You handle all the details of the person's life so effectively that they complain of feeling "bored" and having "nothing to do."
• You're regularly in doctors' offices –but they're the doctors of the person you look after. You can't remember the last time you had a check-up of your own.
• You can't remember the last time you took a "day off" -- that is a day in which you left the house, left your everyday life, and did not do the majority of caregiving yourself.
• Pretty much your main hobby is eldercare.
• You prepare all the meals, even though the person could do some of the prep work or cooking – even if it took longer or wasn't done quite the way you'd prefer.
• You'll drop everything to take a call from Mom or Dad multiple times a day and then resist bringing the conversation to a close once you realize it's not an emergency.
• You have more fixed appointments in your weekly calendar for the person you take care of than just for you --i.e. no lunch dates, standing walks with a friend, visits to a gym.
• You've never even checked into eldercare resources in your area – just to see what kinds of programs and services are out there. (Transportation? Meal delivery? Adult day classes?)
• You offer to do things for others reflexively -- but you'd really never think of asking someone to do something very specific for you.
• You cater to the person's special diet needs (low salt, for example) but don't pay any special attention to your own nutrition.
• The last time you took a vacation was before the last election cycle began.
• A friend or relative slips and calls you a "control freak." It may sting, but before you get too insulted, ask why. They might just have a point.